valerie noelle

Shop Boyz – Baby Girl

This song is forever stuck in my head.

I miss you, grrrrrrrrrrrrlfriend.

I have an obsession.

I came across Auto-Tune the News this week and it has, essentially, consumed my life. At first, I would just replay my favourite video over and over and over again for hours (yes, I’m that sort of person)…

After I got sick of having to click Replay constantly, I finally downloaded all of the songs and put them on my phone (I made a ringer: very thin ice, very thin ice) as well as the mp3 player for my car. Slowly, neighbourhood by neighbourhood, I am making Omaha listen to Auto-Tune the News. It’s a glorious effort.

A day of driving around, not wanting to ever answer my calls (very thin ice, VERY THIN ICE), and google stalking (mostly Michael Gregory – I’m in love) finally lead me to buy a t-shirt. You don’t even want to know that I actually looked up ticket prices to get to Virginia so that I can actually SEE The Gregory Brothers this Saturday.

Anyway, fucking listen to them, and all of their other projects, because I want them to blow up. Shortay.

Okay, I watch waaaay too much television. Really. And it’s only getting worse…

..because Michael and Michael Have Issues finally started July 15th.. and Wednesdays (9:30pm CST on Comedy Central) just don’t come fast enough.

The only negative thing I have to say is that now I know Showalter has a girlfriend and it’s totally broken my heart.
Broken dreams aside, watch this clip.. and then watch the show every week, damnit. I want this to last, just like Stella should have.

I love this picture. Craig, Corinne, and I noticed this as we were going into Bag’N’save (on 76th for you creepsters) to get some wine. It really tickled me, so Craig took a picture. I guess the owl is deter birds? Whatever, I don’t care. I love it.

Anyway, it’s boner time.

The scan for this boner turned out terrible, it seems that coloured pencil may not be the best instrument for the drawing of boners. But this guy, who kinda looks like an Alfred, is stroking his boner. But surely you can see that, as I wrote it next to it with an arrow. So, this part right here is a little bit useless.

It’s summer time, which means that it constantly smells like grilled meat outside. This Boner is an homage to that. Yeah, I know it looks like it has a beak. Apparently after I’ve had a few drinks an uncircumcised weenus looks like it has a beak. Whatevs.

My last boner drawing is my favourite one so far. It is done in coloured pencil, and I was thinking about Field of Dreams that day. And dinosaurs. Obviously.

More boners to come, for sure. I have a few in the notebook in my purse that I need to scan, as well as a pile next to my scanner. If you have any boner drawings you should definitely send them to me, it would make my day.

LASTLY.

I dyed what was left of my hair after it was chopped off.

I found where The Comedian lives… on 63rd and Decatur.

Photos taken with my new Palm Pre! It’s awesome! I can barely stand it! Exclamations!

It’s four in the morning and I can’t sleep.
Last night I had a dream about Sham, which always ends up in me feeling depressed the next day. I somehow managed to avoid that all day.. up until it was time for me to go to sleep and I started thinking about the dream again.
When I have dreams about Sham I always, ALWAYS, have the thought, “How could you be here? You are dead.” He always says something that pushes that away, thought, and we go about our merry times. Even still, in the dream I know he is dead and try to make the most of it.

I miss him so much.

Johnny Cash – Hurt

He loved this song.
It makes me think of him.

I went and didn’t post again for a long time. Damnit. I’m remedying this RIGHT NOW (obvs).

Okay, so a couple of weeks ago it was my friends Tim and Tony’s 29th birthday! Hooraaaaay!
A couple of years ago I made for them a rice krispie treat that was shaped like a penis. It had creme filling. It was pretty great and it came all over the table at the bar, what more could a couple of hetero boys want for their birthday?
Well, this year I asked Tim what he wanted and the answer was a meat cake.
And I did it.

mmmmmmeat

And apparently it was DELICIOUS. Steam was still rolling off of it when I brought it into Jake’s (local bar in the Benson neighbourhood) and the entire place smelled like it. And that is mashed potatoes, NOT icing. Yuck, meat and icing? ew.
Tim said it was the best birthday present he ever got. awww. I’m proud.

About a month ago now my dad asked me to make a treat for his friend’s birthday, more of the penis rice krispie variety. And here it is:

Pearl Necklace > Brown Tie

When I walked this into the bar my grandparents came running over to see what I had brought. Oh, great. They thought it was funny, though. My grandpa made a creepyish joke about the bartender modeling it for me, though.

That’s about that for now. I did start drawing pictures of Boners In Action, too. I’ll save that for another update, methinks.

OH! And I finally hit 30 with my horde. Being mounted is everything I wanted it to be. I love ridin’ it. More euphemisms.

I burst into dance.

Yeehaw!

Oh, I just wanted to update really quick. The “omg I can’t believe Bill Schulz just @ed me on twitter” jitters are calming and I think I might be able to fall asleep now.

“fall asleep.”

I just wanted to share my easter drawings with you all. I have to go make a couple of pies before dinner at 2pm… procastination!

<3

i’m fuckin druuuuuuunk